My 65th birthday is right around the corner. That particular number has always signified “retirement” to me. When I was young it seemed like a million years in the future, the magic “65” that the old people in my life worked toward and talked about, hoping to reach that age so they could sit back and enjoy life.
So, if I follow that adolescent train of thought, I am now old, or I will be in about six weeks.
The thing is, I don’t think of myself as old. Other people are old. Not me. I put a lot of effort into maintaining a positive outlook, self-confidence, and youthful appearance. It doesn’t happen automatically.
I hear from women who tell me that they’ve lost confidence as the years have gone by, sometimes feeling invisible, many times uncertain how to rebuild confidence going forward. “Why am I losing confidence as I get older?”, they ask. Their self-esteem has taken a hit and they don’t know how to rebuild confidence and rekindle that spark.
All we have to do is look in the mirror and if we let it, the self-image can take a plunge, the negative talk in our head gets going, and the downward spiral has begun.
I know it can happen to me if I let it, and chances are if you’re a woman in your 60’s (maybe younger) you can relate, too.
So what can we do to keep our confidence and self-esteem strong, even as our bodies seem to betray us at every turn? I believe there are eight realities and truths to embrace as women in our sixties, and by committing to follow them we’ll remain strong, confident women.
You’ll find access to a handy printable at the bottom of the list, too, so you can keep these eight helpful tips handy when you need them.
Why am I Losing Confidence as I Get Older?
How to Rebuild Confidence & Self-Esteem in Our Sixties
1 | Self-care every day
There is no better way to address the question, “why am I losing confidence as I get older”, than to take time every day and provide the care your body, mind, and heart needs.
Because, if you don’t think you’re worthy of that priority, it’s going to be pretty hard to regain the self-esteem that’s lacking in your life.
One of the ways I take care of myself is through a healthy morning routine. It’s nothing fancy or elaborate, but it’s tailored to my unique lifestyle and preferences.
For some, it’s using affirmations every day. Simple statements you can say to yourself to affirm your worth and boost your confidence.
Self-care isn’t just for the morning, though. We never really know what a day will bring to us, and what can start out as a lovely, relaxing, quiet time can swiftly spiral out of control, and it might have nothing to do with us.
And that brings me to the second point.
2 | Self Awareness
At this stage of our lives as women over 50, we could be caring for elderly parents, for a spouse or partner, for an adult child, or for grandchildren. It’s quite a list, isn’t it?
Add to that our social activities, other family obligations, church commitments, and more. If we’re not careful, our identity, as well as our sense of well-being, can get lost in the shuffle.
One effective way to maintain our sense of self, how we feel, what we’re sensing and why, is to stop and give ourselves a few minutes of quiet time.
It doesn’t matter where or when, just as long as it happens. You can practice meditation for a few minutes, prayer, deep breathing, whatever works for you.
I’ve learned to listen to my body cues and know when something’s going on inside of me. I might be a little cranky, or tearful, or unmotivated, or feeling really tired, or something similar.
If I give myself a few minutes of nothing else but pondering why I am feeling how I’m feeling, I can usually identify the cause and do what I need to do, refocus, acknowledge the pain, and keep moving forward.
But I have to (and you have to) be willing to stop and be honest with yourself about what you’re feeling and why.
3 | Self Acceptance
We can become engrossed in the ravages of the aging process. Between the body shape changes, the belly fat, the weight gain, the sagging skin, the slowing metabolism, and more, we can find so many things to pick at, to criticize ourselves about.
If we let that continue unchecked, of course, our self-confidence and self-esteem will take a beating. Whose wouldn’t?
Unfortunately, we may have people in our life who do the ravaging for us, with criticisms, comments and such. Sometimes those words come from loved ones and friends who mean well, but it doesn’t take the sting from their words.
When our confidence is at a low that’s the last thing we need to hear.
But you know what? No one can force you to think a certain way about yourself. Just because some words are spoken about you, it doesn’t mean that they are true, or real. You have control over that, my friend.
Embracing who you are, your natural beauty as it is today, right now, is something that we all need to do every single day. None of us is perfect, but every one of us is beautiful.
4 | Physical activity & exercise
I write about this often because it’s that important. There are so many essential benefits to regular exercise and activity, and one of them is the confidence we gain by accomplishing exercise and activity.
For example, let’s say that you’ve not been doing any sort of exercise for a long time. You decide that today’s the day to start, so you go for a 15-minute walk. You’re tired, but feel good that you did it. You walked.
The next day you walk for another 15 minutes, the day after that for 20 minutes, and then a few days later you’re up to 30 minutes a day.
You’re accomplishing a goal, you’re exercising your body, you’re relieving stress, you’re helping your metabolism. And you know what else? You’re gaining confidence!
5 | Hold your head high
What do I mean by this? Well, it’s not about just the posture (although that’s a secondary benefit!)
Even when you’re feeling less-than, when doubt has crept into your thoughts, when it seems like you can’t do anything right, you know what?
Hold your head high. Walk with purpose. Speak with confidence that you may not feel inside at the moment.
For me, it goes hand-in-hand with our self-awareness and self-acceptance. We acknowledge that we’re not feeling like we can conquer the world, but we also know that we have value and much to offer.
It can help to put on your favorite outfit and feel more youthful, stylish, and attractive, too. There’s nothing wrong with that!
So we hold our head high and carry ourselves with the confidence that may be eluding us at the moment, but we know will soon return.
6 | Value your own thoughts and opinions
This ties in with the step discussed above. While we hold our heads high we speak with confidence, because we know that our thoughts and opinions have value.
When I’m in a group of people I tend to do more listening than talking. I like to listen, to learn what others have to say, and learn from what they say.
But I know that I can also use that as an excuse to not speak up, to let others do the talking. If I’m honest, I know that sometimes it’s because I’m not confident that what I have to say is worthy, is important enough, to share.
So I have to make myself speak up in certain situations, and not let that inner voice win the battle. I don’t always win that battle but I work on it. Like you, I’ve lived for enough decades to have gained a fair bit of knowledge and insight.
I know that my thoughts, my opinions, my feelings have value. How about you? If you continually question your worth and your value, the self-confidence will be hard to rebuild.
7 | Your value is not based on your production
What do I mean by this? I’ll put it this way. If you have put great effort into a project, a task, or a goal, and it hasn’t turned out the way you thought it would, does that mean you have less value as a person?
Of course not. But it can be difficult to separate the two.
I heard this explained not long ago in a business sense. As a blogger, I want my online business, my little tiny piece of the internet world, to be successful. I have goals set for this blog.
If I’m not meeting them as I thought I would, does that mean I’m a failure as a person? No. Not at all. My value as a person is not tied to the success of my blog.
I always want to learn from my mistakes or the things that didn’t turn out as I’d hoped. But I need to remember that those failures, whatever they may be, do not lessen my value and worth as a person.
If you or I can’t differentiate between the two, we can end up in a puddle on the floor, with our confidence and self-esteem about as low as it can get.
Let’s keep them in perspective.
8 | Find the balance between your inner self and your outward demeanor
In a perfect world of healthy living, how we feel on the inside mirrors the demeanor, the character, the confidence and self-esteem that we show to the world. And of course, it’s all positive and good.
In the real, everyday world, we sometimes put on that smile and happy attitude, when what we’re really feeling inside is anything but happy, confident, or courageous.
And it’s okay to ‘fake it until we make it’ to a point. But from my experience, a facade only takes you so far. If we find ourselves faking it every day, or more often than we know is healthy, we need to take a step back.
Spend some time on self-awareness and self-acceptance to learn why we’re feeling like we need to be someone other than who we really are.
Sure, we all have those days when we put on the smile and keep moving forward. I know I do.
But try to find the balance between the two, and the more often the scale is not tipped too far one way or the other, the more the confidence and self-esteem will be strengthened.
How to rebuild confidence and self-esteem as we age? Take a few minutes to ponder these thoughts, 1 through 8, and see where you might need to put more emphasis.
For me, it’s always a work in progress. I don’t know that I’ll ever say I’ve “arrived” in the confidence and self-esteem department. But I know enough as a woman in my 60’s to pay attention to my body, my mind, and my heart, and do what I know is best.
Here’s your access to the free printable, How to Rebuild Confidence and Self Esteem in Our 60s
You’ll find it in the Resource Library under Healthy Living & Wellness.
Resources for Women to Regain Self Esteem & Learn How to Rebuild Confidence
As a woman who has been through some ups and downs in my life, I find great satisfaction in sharing what I’ve learned with other women. And that is why I’ve created a package of online learning resources to address the question, why am I losing confidence as I get older?
On the one hand, we’ve lived for five, six decades or more, so we are supposed to know it all, right? Of course not. We’re always learning and growing.
So take a look at the resources below and see if one of them might be speaking to you and the place you’re at in your life right now:
Inspire Your Life
Become the most beautiful version of you in midlife – quick, simple actionable steps that you can start taking today.
It’s a step-by-step blueprint that shows you exactly how to gain control of your body in midlife, love yourself where you are right now, and look expectantly into the future with confidence.
Here’s what you’ll learn:
- Module 1: Course Overview
- Module 2: Healthy Eating, Strong, Healthy Bodies, Skin Care, Personal Style
- Module 3: Our Emotional Health and Well Being
- Module 4: Goals for the Future
If you’re reading this and thinking, “this is exactly what I need right now!”, you’re probably right!
LEARN MORE ABOUT INSPIRE YOUR LIFE
The Fashion Cure
Rediscover your style and dress with confidence after 50.
I hear from many women who say that they feel invisible, lacking in confidence, not sure how to handle their changing figure (belly fat, anyone?), and in general just kind of frumpy.
The Fashion Cure will walk you through:
- A fashion assessment
- A wardrobe assessment
- A discovery of your body shape
- A core wardrobe planner and how to use it
- The 6 steps to putting an outfit together
- The 3 keys to discovering your authentic signature style
No, this email series course will not turn you into a fashionista. No worries. 🙂 But it will take you step-by-step through a process that will give you confidence and satisfaction when you choose your outfits, day in and day out.
LEARN MORE ABOUT THE FASHION CURE
Fresh Start Challenge
The secret to transforming your life after 50.
Raise your hand if you set goals and then find it almost impossible to meet them. Yes, I see those hands. Mine is right there with you.
Changing our behaviors, habits, and lifestyle choices is never easy or simple, and it can seem to get even harder as we age.
Well, I’ll tell you a little secret. Your chances of success go up significantly when you’re in balance: your mind, your body, and your heart.
You can be the boss of your goals, girlfriend, with this simple yet highly effective 7-day email series.
You’ll consider and rediscover one commitment each day:
- Welcome and Overview
- A Positive Mindset
- A Consistent Morning Routine
- A Commitment to Self Care
- A Commitment to Fitness and Health
- A Commitment to Healthy Eating and Nutrition
- A Commitment to Your Personal Goals!
If you’re at a point in your life where some solid time investment into your healthy life balance is needed, take a minute to read more:
LEARN MORE ABOUT FRESH START CHALLENGE
Inspired Living Printable Pack
If you find that putting down your thoughts, goals, dreams, tasks and more in writing and on paper is an effective way to learn and grow, the Inspired Living Printable Pack is for you!
I have learned that I’m more committed and accountable to myself when I see something in my own writing, right there in front of me, day after day. That’s why I created this handy and flexible pack of printables:
- Healthy Morning Routine Workbook & Worksheet – create your own unique morning routine
- “Promises to Myself” Goals & Dreams Planner – see your goals in writing, jot down your daydreams, commit to the small steps
- Workout Planner – a wonderful tool for you to commit to, then track your progress each week with an exercise plan
- “It’s My Life” Accountability Journal – I created this when I was struggling with finding the balance with healthy eating habits. It can track daily eating habits, exercise, water consumption, vitamins/meds
- “This Week” Planner – a flexible tool to track the week with tasks, goals, priorities and short term wins
- Fillable Monthly Calendar – for those who prefer to print out and track their month on a pretty calendar. Two versions are available!
LEARN MORE ABOUT THE INSPIRED LIVING PRINTABLE PACK
The Self-Love Discovery Project
One would think that when we reach midlife we’ve learned how to love and accept ourselves. Why not? We’ve got the life experience behind us, so we’re good, right? Well, not so much, my friend, no matter our age.
That’s why I developed The Self-Love Discovery Project, a self-paced online course that dives deeper into the six characteristics of loving ourselves in a healthy way:
- self care
- self worth
- self awareness
- self respect
- self esteem
- self growth
If you’re feeling a little ‘less than’, and can’t seem to shake that funk, be sure to check out this affordable and potentially life-changing resource:
LEARN MORE ABOUT THE SELF-LOVE DISCOVERY PROJECT
Learning how to answer the question, why am I losing confidence as I get older, is unique for each of us. But what is consistent is this: we all have to work at it.
But what a joy it is to feel that confidence, inside and out, as we make the effort to become stronger, wiser women with a sure sense of self-esteem. We all deserve that satisfaction in our life.
Like this post? Share it!
16 thoughts on “Why Am I Losing Confidence as I Get Older? How to Rebuild Confidence and Self Esteem as We Age”
Hi Candi. I’m so glad I stopped by to read your latest post about self-confidence. This is something I’ve struggled with my whole life but something that Has improved a lot as I approach 60. One really important point that you brought up and that struck a chord with me is feeling worthy, or in other words, loving yourself. It’s taken me so long to get here, but I finally love myself and feel worthy and deserving of good things. It does help to surround myself with those that are champions of my self worth. Meditation also works for me, which I do through morning pages. As you know I also firmly believe in exercise, for mind body and soul. I’m sharing this very important post to FB.
Thanks so much for sharing about your life and struggles. Choosing to be with those who support and encourage us makes such a difference, and I’m glad you’re doing that at this time in your life. Thanks, too, for sharing the post. xo
You have a good list with very sound advice, Candi. I really like #1 to 4 and when our mind, body and heart are healthy, #5 to 8 will naturally occur. #MLSTL
Hi Natalie, that’s so true…they really are all connected in some way. Thanks for that. 🙂
I’m (only, though it doesn’t feel like ONLY to me!) in my early 50s but need to work on some of these as well. My health and fitness and my self-confidence as my life and my role in the world changes.
My mum is mid-late 70s and said she’s always thinking she’s much younger than she is. She’ horrified when the newspaper or someone talks about an elderly person and they’re in their 70s. Thankfully, though she’s had a few joints replaced, she’s pretty healthy. She does far more for her health than I do and I think I need to change that.
Hi Deborah, I appreciate your honesty. I know that I have to work at it every day, but putting the effort into a healthy mind, body, and spirit is definitely worth the effort as time goes on. Thanks for stopping by!
Hi Candi – some great points here and a lot of them resonate with me. I’m slowly learning to ignore the self-critic – that little voice that held me back for most of my life. I’m also aware of not tying my self-worth into my productivity and not comparing myself and my life to others – that’s a real killer. I’m just really happy in my little world, I love my blogging, I love my IRL family and friends, I’m just really content and contentment brings confidence with it – facing the world with a smile and an air of assurance is my go-to these days.
Thanks for linking up with us at MLSTL and I’ve shared on my SM 😊
I love the sound of your ‘little world’ as you refer to it, Leanne. It sounds happy and relaxed, and you deserve that. The self-critic in our head can destroy our joy and healthy life if we let it. I have to tell it mine to get lost almost every day! Thanks so much for sharing.
I struggled a lot with self confidence when I was younger. I have more confidence now. I think my years of experience has given me confidence. I also know what I want and care less about what other people think. Thanks for the great post, I have shared on Social media.
Hi Michele, I agree that life experience can work well for us in the area of confidence. I know it has definitely helped me as the years have gone by. Thanks for sharing!
So much valuable information here Candi and I know that lately I’ve not been feeling great about myself. I will be 63 in August and although I feel 30 in my mind, the mirror tells a different story. It is all about self-acceptance but also having the courage to say ‘I’m not happy with this’ and change it. Thanks for being part of #MLSTL and I know this post will be very useful to many readers. xx
Hi Sue, a very good point! There is self-acceptance but also taking stock from a healthy standpoint. And there are times that some things will need to change if we’re honest with ourselves. Thanks for that perception. xo
Your points are all fabulous Candi and I think we all need to be honest with ourselves. I am aware that sometimes as we age we lose that confidence but I like your tip of holding our head high. It’s enough at times just to lift us and can work wonders. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and I’m sharing for #mlstl.
Hi Debbie, yes, sometimes just being able to do hold our head high, affirm that we are worthy, and acknowledge that we have areas to work on as women in midlife, is enough. Thanks so much for stopping by and for sharing.
Candi this is so interesting, I seem to be getting more confidence as I get older. I try to walk everyday and I do look after my skin. You look fabulous, thanks for sharing your advice.
Hi Lorraine, thank you so much, and I’m glad your confidence is growing stronger!